If you hear me suddenly wailing in agony…like someone’s thrust a throbbing hot poker through my heart and twisted it with a villainous cackle…tell the Feds, I know who dunnit.
Tis my copywriting apprentice.
See, I’ve taken an up’n’coming copywriter under my wing. She writes copy…I savage it…she gets mad at herself…I feel bad…and she writes better copy. Always a barrel of fun.
But yesterday? Ooh, things took a tricky turn.
She’d sweated blood over a hefty blog post. I’d already trashed Draft 1…and now, I had to stomp all over Draft 2. She was gonna hate me for this!
So, I gave her a pressie at the start: one of those voodoo dolls you can buy in stationery shops. And I told her, “pretend that’s me – and take out all your anger!”
It was kind of a joke. But now I’m worried, that doll is in for the full works. It’ll be stabbed, poisoned, fed to the hounds. And stabbed again for fun.
But you know what? I have that effect on people when I review their copy!
Only last month, another of my copy clan sent me a review pack and told me, “I still shit myself every time I send you stuff!”
It’s kinda funny, really. I mean…I’m Mr Nice! The sort of soft, fluffy type you’d introduce to your nan. And yet, professional copywriters lose sleep as they worry “What’ll James say?”
I guess it’s because I can pick the gremlins out of a message – and build it up again, stronger. It’s just a knack. But after 29 years getting paid to write stuff, I should have my uses.
Try me. Send me your copy, like a web page, email or mailer – and I’ll show you half a dozen fixes that’ll make it sing. I’ll look at your strategy, targeting, offer, and the copy itself. And if I can’t do it, you pay me diddly squat. That’s guaranteed.
Just send an email with a doc or link, and I’ll tell you the score. With options for a critique, a tweak, or even a full rewrite.
Go on, ping it over. It’ll cost you nothing to find out.
Then go make a Jamesy voodoo doll. (You’ll need it. Because I promise…you’ll hate me by the end!)
FOOTNOTE: Don’t apply for this if you’d rather not hear the truth. If you just want flattery, buy a parrot and teach it to say “Wow, that’s awesome!”
Just beware, this will not bring you any sales at all. Plus, you’ve got to pay for the cage and one of those little mirrors…you’ll be out of pocket. It’s far better to send your copy to me…